Mo Weekly #39

‘Honesty is the best policy’ …Really?

There was a man; his name was John. John had the finest things in life; a good paying job that came with paid vacations, luxurious cars, glam attributable to your stereotypical misconceptions about black rappers and a trophy husband (2019 is your year LGBTQ-ACDEFHIJKMNOPRSUVWXYZ).

There was another man; his name was Han. Han had the finest things in life; a good paying job that came with paid vacations, luxurious cars, glam attributable to your stereotypical misconceptions about black rappers and a trophy wife.

SCENARIO 1:

A pregnant woman sits across from the above mentioned men on two distinct occasions at a shawarma joint and says to each of them whilst caressing her bump: “..had a big lunch”

• Their responses:

John: no you didn’t!… that’s a baby… a baby!…you are also not very funny as that joke is derivative of Skylar White from Breaking bad

Han: haha, what’d you do? Eat a baby?

• Verdict to Scenario 1:

John: he was completely honest, he didn’t sugarcoat his response, it was an overused joke. But did he really have to be honest?

She would probably pee on him in annoyance. This is what the Cuble research team told me pregnant women do when they are mad.

Han: this fella sold out, he sold out big time. But he was nice, a douche, but he was nice. Well played Han.

She would laugh at his response a little too hard which would cause her to pee a little. But Han being Han will then continue kissing ass which would lead to him getting peed on.

• Comment

Either ways you can’t please a pregnant woman, she literally has a creature growing inside of her that treats her insides as a buffet.

SCENARIO 2:

A human person who is visibly on the ‘FUPA’ side of life asks them: “does this make me look fat?”

• Their responses:

John: they make plus size for a reason love

Han: you look good, I love how brave you are, yes sis #bodypositivity

• Verdict to Scenario 2:

John: we believe that his response can play out two ways; it can either push the human person to get in the shape of their life or feel extremely sad. Regardless of the slim chances (pun intended) of the former being the end result, he was mean…..but was he honest? YES!

John would probably get sat on #WeMadeAFatJoke

Han: Again, Han stays steady selling out. It’s 2019….aren’t we all?

No additional comment, Han for President!

SCENARIO 3:

The two gentlemen are carpooling on their way from work and one of their colleagues is plus sized.

• Their responses:

John: hey! Your fat ass should ride shotgun so the people in the backseat can breathe..

Han: hey honey-baby-sweety you’ll be more comfortable in front, leave the regular folks to battle it out in the backseat

• Verdict to Scenario 3:

John: you might be tempted to overrule the overall premise of this piece and argue that the problem is with John and his presentation of the thoughts that roam about in his head BUT you would be wrong because he didn’t utter any non factual statement.

Han: Han in his bid to be politically correct has our vote again! Han for President!

CONCLUSION:

I have no idea why I decided to describe the characters the way I did at the very beginning, it contributes in no way or form to the content #sad.The truth is a complex concept, thread lightly. The Cuble team informed me that hashtags are making a comeback #hashtag.

DISCLAIMER: I promise, I am not painting John to be a dick because of his affiliations with the LGBTQ-ACDEFHIJKMNOPRSUVWXYZ. The chances that they are awful people due to their sexual orientation is about the same as heterosexuals being awful people for hetero-ing.

But the fact that this disclaimer had to be inserted really is a sign of the times. Do better people!